From GypsyNester.com
When Veronica and I came up with the idea to write about life after raising kids, and actually looking forward to it, one of the first things I did was Google "empty nesters." I wanted to see if anyone was looking at this the same way we are. You know, isn’t it great that the kids have moved out and we have life to ourselves again? To be untethered and free to wander the globe. To be GypsyNesters instead of empty nesters. But no, just about everything I could find was lamenting how terrible it was to not have the kids around anymore. The main item on the first page I clicked into was an enormous ad for an Alzheimer’s patch.
Holy crap! We just finished raising our kids, we’re not dead! If twenty some odd years of child rearing has caused me to lose some memory (or eyesight, hearing, mobility or... um... I forget... whatever..) by golly I’m gonna count it as a plus and learn to like it. Do I really want to remember every battle fought along the way? I think not. I’ll gladly let my memory fade just enough to color the overall picture and recall it as pretty good stuff. I must be missing something here. Are these people daft?
There is even a syndrome name now, because these days even the smallest emotion or complaint must be labeled as a syndrome, Empty Nest Syndrome. No doubt, right this second, several pharmaceutical giants are frantically testing some drug that was originally intended to treat some truly dreadful disease to see if they can market it as the only way to escape the treacherous death grip of EMPTY NEST SYNDROME. That reminds me, I didn’t sleep all that great last night, I must remember to get to the doctor to get something done about this insidious Periodic Interrupted Sleep Syndrome (better known as PISS) that I’m suffering from.
But I digress, (yet another syndrome perhaps?) back to the original dilemma. Shouldn’t we be looking forward to this portion of life? Most of us have made more than a few sacrifices to get here, so I say, stick a fork in me, I’m done. It’s not selfish to take a little time for yourself at this point, it’s insane not to.
We are animals, and as such, continuation of the species is one of our prime motivations. However, unlike the other critters, when we have finished the job, we’re allowed to have some fun. Give yourself a pat on the back! Job well done, the kids have grown up into large human beings fully capable of feeding themselves. I, for one, am a firm believer in letting them do their own hunting and gathering. Trust me, when they get hungry, they will find food, but you have to let them do it for themselves. Otherwise they’ll end up like zoo animals. If you feed the tigers everyday, they never learn to hunt. Then when you put them in the wild, they starve. Personally, we taught our little cubs that if they get really hungry, they can always kill and eat a bag of Ramen noodles.
They’ve gotten pretty good at it too.
David, GypsyNester.com
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Life After Kids
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21 comments:
David and Veronica,
I just read Davids letter on the Yahoo emptynester site and I couldnt have written it better myself. My kids can also hunt and gather so well they certainly don't need my husband and me anymore. I want a life. My own life. Have you gotten other ppl involved in your site? I will pass the word. Mayflower57
To Mayflower:
Thank you for the great words--and for letting folks know about us. Our official launch date for the site is looking like late April/early May, so it's nice to hear your words of encouragement during this final push!
And as for you: you are right to want your own life--and you deserve it. You've earned it. Now go out and "Gyspy Nest" a bit! (Congrats on the hunter/gatherers, btw)
--V
Woo Hoo! You are my newest role models!! We are in our early to mid 40s and we have two teens(13 and 15). Of course we love them so very very much--of course we have enjoyed the wonderful years of raising them--of course we will miss them terribly when they leave--of course we look at their baby pictures wistfully and think, "Where did the time go?". BUT...We are now in the countdown phase: 3 years with the oldest and 5 years with the youngest, then it is OUR TIME!!! The goal is to get them raised to adulthood--the goal is to teach them to BE adults who stand on their own two feet--the goal is to get to the end of the job of parenting and LET GO!! We have very independent streaks that run deep inside us--we raised our kids the same way. We flew away from our families' nests when we were "of age" and we never looked back--we want our kids to do the same thing! Soon it will be time for the next generation to fly away and begin lives of their own--and then we can get down to the business of living the REST of our lives!! Great blog!
LOL! Yep, I've had to "kill" and eat a few bags of Ramen noodles myself!
I totally agree! Me and my husband are able to make decisions based on just what we feel like doing, when we feel like doing it. I love my kids and I do miss seeing them everyday, but there is most certainaly an upside too!
Our kids had a revolving door to our basement until a couple of years ago. When one moved out, another one came back, sometimes with a wife! That ended when the last child bought a home of his own two years ago this summer, and for the first time in our married lives, we have the house to ourselves! No regrets here!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. That is just the perspective I needed today. Baby is 18 and making unreasonable demands...
I truly enjoyed reading your post which is so true, however never have I digressed since my daughters have been out on their own, pretty much proud ofthe way their handling life as it come to them as well as making their own choices in life, as I told them the choices YOU make in life YOU will have to live by them. My hubby and I do spend a lot of time with our one and only grand child and it seems we are raising a kid again, but I wouldn't trade it for the world at least we know we can love her and send her packing back to mommie lol.
ROLF! I LOVE what you wrote! As my youngest child approaches adulthood (he's 17) I am not shoving him through the door, but I AM holding it open (I want him to be able to see the way). };->
There's life after kids if there was life before them and during them. Those whose whole life revolves around propagating the species can end up looking at a "great big empty" when their sole purpose in life is over. Just my humble opinion.
Kids are interesting projects - they each give you something to do for the next 18 years or so - maybe more.
But - kids are people too. They will make their own decisions - some good some not so good. As a parent your responsibility is to expose them to the things that make an adult successful and explain why - the best that you can.
I''ve heard "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." That starts becoming significant by the time they're teenagers.
My advice, and this isn't at all profound - give it your best shot - we all did. If they become successful, great! They obviously listened. If they screw up big time - it's probably because of decisions they made that were NOT based on what you spent years teaching them.
If they make it - enjoy. If they don't - you still have a life to live, and 'as the days get shorter when you reach September' you've got a chance to get your priorities back on yourself. If you're truly blessed you've got a spouse to share the golden years with.
Do it - either way, your obligation ends when they become old enough to be defined as adults.
When I got married my wife came with a house, car, three dogs, a cat and two boys. A year later we added another boy so we never really had time for ourselves before children. Now that the children are all married and on their own we have time together. We get to do the fun things that couples do without worrying about babysitters or getting back home to take car of the children.
We do miss our children and we see then whenever we can but we also enjoy our time together.
Whoa! I think I just saw my wife running down the hall in her birthday suit! She never did that when the kids were around!
Love your post! I admit, when the kids left, I was sad, but I was also relieved! lol And yes, sacrifices were made for my kids when they were home and when they left, I said, "This time's for me!"
I worked in a job I did not enjoy (hated) for 15 years because it was good pay, secure, and had benefits. As a single mom, I was afraid to give that up because of my kids. But they are on their own and supporting themselves and I returned to school and am pursuing my own interests. It's been hard to start a new career at my age, and especially in Michigan with their desperate economic woes, but it's worth it, for my happiness.
You're great! Our kids are gone and we couldn't be happier!! I found all the empty nest syndrome quite depressing...dear God...I must be a horrible mother (lol). I raised them right, gave them what they needed to survive, I love them dearly but here's the door. Only problem I have is I didn't change my phone number...damn...they keep calling and calling (sorry, I really do love them). Now my husband and I can have our time. That's why we had our kids so young, we wanted to still be able to hobble around a bit once they were gone.
I am SO glad the kid(s) are gone! He is 25 now and out on his own for a couple years, and as a guy, I think I love him even more now because he has more perspective on life. When I do something for him now, he totally appreciates it. I love him unconditionally as a son, but in addition now I love him as his own person.
OMG after reading this I almost peed my pants laughing. I am a mom of 4 kids and 3 are on their own I was almost dreading when the last child would leave home (not for another 6 years) Now I am looking forward to it. Ahhh the joy of them being on their own..
My perspective is somewhere in between the "glad they're gone" and "how do I live without them." Mine have been "grown-up" for a while now. When the last one left for college my husband followed me around (literally) for a few days until I turned around and told him this behavior had to stop! We had a few lonely months without our youngest, but we did get over it and began enjoying our life as a couple again. In the past three years we have entered the world of grandparents, which is all I ever thought it would be -- and much more. I find that while I still need to have some interests of my own, they have to take a back seat to my grandson. Enjoying him is so much better than putting me first. I guess I'm back where I started -- finding a balance between work and family. This isn't a put-down for those who are enjoying the empty-nest. I've been there and back, but I've moved on....
this is fantastic.....love the blog and your thoughts are ours also! We are enjoying the house to ourselves, finally...after how many years…am too old to count that high and way too old to remember how! We can only hope they stay out and let us enjoy!
I don't know how anyone could be this happy about your kids leaving!There will come a time when you want to hear the nagging or the dirty dishes in the sink-you must have someone around you and are not completely alone.
No i will not be alone. What all parents want is to raise our kids to be self suffecient. They do come around and call on a regular basis. We all want to have our lives too.
Great article! There's always going to be someone who would rather retreat than grab the challenge of making a new life, right? You speak to those of us who are life-long learners, adventurers and experience-gluttons like me!
Life begins again after the kids move out!
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